so i'm leaving on friday

going back to florida.
probably for another year or so.
i'm not sure.
i don't wanna go back though.
='[

goodbye indiana.... ='[

I'm sorry. we just can't stay here anymore. no matter how much i want too...



The sun is gone and the flowers rot
Words are spaces between us
And I should have been drown in the rivers I found of token lost
And I should have been down when you made me insecure

So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
Cause I'm so much more than meets the eye

And I'm the one you can never trust
Cause wounds are ways to reveal us
And yeah I could have tried and devoted my life to both of us
But what a waste of my time when the world we had was yours

So break me down if it makes you feel right (so break me down)
And hate me now if it keeps you alright (so break me down)
You can break me down if it takes all your might
Cause I'm so much more than all your lies

Hate me, break me down. (so break me down)
So break me down if it makes you feel right (so break me down)
And hate me now if it keep you alright (so break me down)
You can break me down if it takes all your might
Cause I'm so much more than meets the eye.

first day at my new job

and holy frappichino
its hard >:p and stressful
they had me working on three computers at once
i had to wipe everything off of one laptop
and then reload it, but the disk i used was to scratched up so it didn't upload any of the drivers, so i had to go to the website and do it manually. argh.
and then i had to set up 2 computers for people that work for the harmony for humanity of greater indianapolis, which i think is like some charity orginization.I'm not really sure. like i said i just started today :p
but the company i work for is really good
its a christian thing
and they give away free computers and stuff
its really cool

tell me what you think it means..

have you ever found yourself spacing out while listening to music, like doing something, maybe singing the song or something. well sometimes when i'm listening to music i think of something and i just have a daydream in my head of me in a room alone and i'm really angry. i start throwing stuff and pulling my hair and just beating the crap out of things and the only thing i can hear is the song. someone could walk into the room and say my name three or four times and i won't even notice them. its kind of scary, because i don't want to be this angry person anymore, i try so hard to not let my anger consume me, i don't want to be that person again, but i can't help it sometimes. sometimes i just blow up. over nothing. mhmmm.. =[

bleh.

I will never know, myself
until I do this, on my own
And I will never feel, anything else
until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything
till I break away from me
I will break away
I'll find myself today

so something really strange happened today....

the song i posted in a blog yesterday is a very important song to me
it's called landslide by fleetwood mac
and i don't know why i decided to listen to it yesterday
i hardly ever listen to it because it always makes me cry
the reason its so important to me is because when i used to live with my mom and she was a drug addict she told me that she wanted me to play this song for her at her funeral.
and my mom has been worrying that she has lung cancer or a tumor in her arm lately and i've been really scared.
so for some reason i thought i would post it in a blog.
but anyways, today when i got on the bus, as soon as i sat down, they played the song on the radio.
it was really strange.
and i don't know what to think of it.
i'm not exactly the religous type.
i've been unsure about religion my whole life.
but when that happened i really didn't know what to make of it
was it just a simple coincidence
or is it "god" trying to tell me something...................